Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
