The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
