He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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