dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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