I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
