I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
