You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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