she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
