Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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