We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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