i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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