Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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