I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize