You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
