And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
