Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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