You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
