sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Acid is not a monday night drug
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
