im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
