I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
