I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
