Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
