Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
