The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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