And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
