i already hear my dad disowning me
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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