I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
