do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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