the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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