He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
