She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
