your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
