I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
