barbara walters just said penis...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
