tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize