Duck Duck Cougar?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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