if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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