you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
