No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
