There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
