dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
