If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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