How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
