I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
