p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
