I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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