some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
