well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Randomize
