I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
