Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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