I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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