why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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