i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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