this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
