and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
