Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
