This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
