wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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