Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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