When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
